I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
