ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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