just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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