he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
