Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
