He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
