eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
high people should be assigned attendants
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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