so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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