he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
