My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
