I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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