90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
