Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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