tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
tell me about the eggs
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