um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
