There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
