I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
