so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
