Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
