You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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