okay pat passed out under dana's car
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
