It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
