I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
