its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
