she was so not down for the gang bang
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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