Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
