mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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