Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
