"it" just moved
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
