mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Randomize
