she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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