Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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