I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
