My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
