Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
