I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
