I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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