Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
