And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
