Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
