i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
