That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
