Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize