You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
