just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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