I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
