Screwed.edu
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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