i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
