This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
