I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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