I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i don't like sucking hair
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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