What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
