I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
