Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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