yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sext me about skeletons
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
