Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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