i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
love makes seman taste better
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
