he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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