Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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