i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
MIDGETS
????
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
