I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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