she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
