just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
