my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
