also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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