After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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