Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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