they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
