Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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