Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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