he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
