There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That accounts for only three of the penises
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
