watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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