So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
