wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
