God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
